Chop wood, carry water

“Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” — Zen Kōan.

On a flight from Puerto Rico to Houston a couple years ago, I sat next to a man on the plane who was returning from his first trip outside the mainland U.S. I was closing out a weeks-long visiting my family there, time I didn’t know how badly I needed until I arrived and didn’t feel like I could, or really wanted, to leave. Piping hot Puerto Rican coffee in the moka pot every morning, hours-long walks around my family’s technicolor neighborhood, sitting at the ocean’s edge in total peace while also giggling as competing suitcase-sized speakers blasted reggaeton. Questions—and reminders—from my aunt about what I was hurrying around for anyway.

The man next to me was thrilled about his trip, while also being very respectful of my time and space on that packed plane, too. He couldn’t wait to go back, even though he’d had to visit the emergency room for slicing his foot open on a bottle while out skateboarding, I think it was. He’d splurged on his business ticket and I’d been upgraded; his energy and excitement when he heard I had family in PR, that I’d been somewhat often, reminded me again of my deep luck.

After we talked for a bit, I turned back and took out my journal. It was the same version of one I’d been using for years: a monogrammed Shinola journal. “Wow, I have the same one!” he said, and took out his. It was even the same color. I’d bought these for years and gifted them often, and I’ve never seen another one out in the wild. I still haven’t.

He asked what I liked to write about. I told him, a bit of everything, and that I used to write as my “Job,” (capital “J”), burned out from it afterward, and then once I started to mediate found my way back to it, words pouring out, and my writing different. More fluid, more surrendered, more exploratory.

“I meditate, too!” he said, and he asked me about my practice. Sometimes you can feel it—I do. When other people inhabit that liminal space often, when they find a way, despite everything else in our lives today, to total presence, when they’re the type of person or have the type of habits that can allow for just being there with a moment’s totality. It brings it out more in me, too, and reminds me of how things can really beC and the purity of things. For some friends it’s through prayer and faith, others movement; others I’ve met it’s just however they are or whatever they’ve figured out thus far in their lives, and it really works.

My seat mate didn’t practice Vedic meditation (akin to transcendental, a 20-min, twice daily, practice) as I did, but he was as familiar with it. We talked a little about our experiences, what it’s like to sit with all of it and explore both the cosmic and mundane, whatever is being served in those moments of silence.

At that point I’d been practicing for three years. “It’s both subtle and profound, I’ve found,” I told him. “It’s like everything has changed and nothing has changed at the same time.” “Exactly!” he replied. It’s like that Zen joke: “Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.” I laughed. I hadn’t heard this before, and it fit. Wouldn’t you know it.

Joke, riddle, axiom, whatever it feels like it is, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. A lot has started to shift in the world, and especially the U.S., since November 2023, and in ways that hurt my heart and stir my soul. I don’t know what to do often, but I do know that I’ve learned over the years (meditating) that for myself specifically, acting from a place provoked reaction does not improve outcomes for me or have the impact I intend. I need to sit with it a bit. I need to feel it all, and see what comes through on the other side. And, sometimes, that makes me feel like I’m doing nothing, especially when so much seems like it’s unraveling so fast.

I came back to this Zen koan, and draft in blog, when last night my inspiring friend Lilian (and an incredible writer herself https://liliancaylee.substack.com/) texted me and said, “It is people like you and your words who keep me together.”

I thought, and felt like, I’d been doing nothing. And here was a friend sharing how she was gathering strength from my typing on a train, thousands of miles away. Because I came back to something I’ve always felt compelled to do: writing. And because I was reaffirming my belief in something that felt like the only possible thing I can really do, and the only path forward: Be myself. Root into what feels right. “Before [this moment]; chop wood, carry water. After [this moment]; chop wood, carry water.”

I’m doing all the same things, and I’m also doing them differently. I am the same person, and I’m also a different one. We’re all the same, and we’re all different.

We are the revolution, right?

For Lil, and The Good Gossip https://thegoodgossip.substack.com/about

These are the good ole days

The last months I spent living in LA, most evenings, it was always balmy, I’d walk the two blocks in Venice from my solo sublet to the apartment on Rose Avenue two of my friends shared with their pup, Bernie. Every night was girls’ night. One of us ordered Thai after jiu-jitsu, another made us teas, another (me) was happy to sit there and receive of their sweet hospitality.

We’d always gather under the guise of watching 90 Day Fiancé, a show all of us, either immigrants ourselves, dating non-Americans, or both, reveled in. Often, we wouldn’t even end up watching it, because conversation was always first. Work, partnership, current events, life in our 30s.

There was an aura to it all, too. (Of course; it’s LA.) It was a feeling of the indelible, like it’s been this way forever, and also of lucky disbelief. We were all living a slice of our dreams, just being like this, and we were sharing the same pie, together.

“You know how people talk about the ‘good ole days’?” Amelia asked one night, jumping up, all of us snuggled on the couch, pup included. “These are the ‘good ole days’!” We beamed. Yes, this is it. This is them.

What may be even better than being lucky, is being able to know—really know; to feel, to know on a felt level—that you’re lucky. To be experiencing the luck, and feeling the gratitude of that luck, all at the same time.

Months later, I was on a walk with my parents after dinner, a tradition we’d started now that I was spending more time at home with them, the three of us, all adults now under the same roof, finding our way into enjoyment of easeful days and shared routines together. “These are the good ole days,” I thought, as we looped around the suburban neighborhood I couldn’t wait to leave as a teen and felt like comfort incarnate now.

And I smiled. I was on the couch in LA with my friends, and I was on a walk with my parents, all at the same time, in that place of forever appreciation.

For Ellie, Amelia & Bernie

The compass of the heart

…rather than the vectors of the mind.

Gentle direction, and you get to take the steps. Step, reorient. Step, reorient.

I want you to know it will always be OK

One time, early on in a friendship, I ended up lost with this friend, going around and around in circles of frustration as we tried to find the location of this party and time ticked on. Each of us had different ideas of how to get there and what to do, and both of us were strongly vocal about it.

I wasn’t sure what this tested moment of would mean for, and reveal for, our relationship. Afterward, finally arrived at the party (and with Avril Lavigne nearby, as life would have it?) I went to apologize for my part in the arrival messiness and for some less-than moments of comportment in our exchanges. She looked at me, fully in the eyes, and said, “It’s OK. I want you to know that, with us, it will always be OK.”

Years later, we are still very close. And I am grateful for that moment, and her vulnerability to put herself out that as a friend, that created a foundation of unconditional friendship love. Because in the end, it’s our friends who are (also) the loves of our lives, aren’t they?

On counting and measurement

I’ve always preferred to set my alarms (when I have to set an alarm..) to off numbers. Such as 7:34, or 8:48. I like to say it’s because I don’t think those other numbers get as much appreciation or use, be them not a round :00 or :30.

The other day I was thinking about how we can set these arbitrary timelines for ourselves in life. X by this time of year; Y by a certain age. Or, how there is an idea of a certain weight we “need” or want to be, or amount of money we need to make. Really, I think, all of that’s just as (not) meaningful and arbitrary as setting a certain time on alarm clock.

Especially because, many of these numbers mean—and are!—different things in different places. US dollars aren’t used around the world. Neither are pounds. Average age of birth, marriage, life expectancy, etc. are different in different places.

Time is what we make it; and numbers know no stories.

I choose to look at this with kinder eyes

In the joy and jumble of holiday tumult, between the high, high happy times of cross-continental vacations and celebrations with family, friends and loved ones, I’ve found myself a bit derailed (understandably!) from routines and “regular” days—and being critical toward myself and the situation as a result. I’ll calculate the sleep I’m not getting, the vegetables I’m not eating, the workouts I’m not doing and see stagnation; feel frustration.

And everything else?? I woke up today feeling softened after a New Year’s even wedding for a close friend. And all of the things that are happening? Everything I am receiving? I want to choose to look upon it all—myself, the world—with kinder eyes.

And navigating through an international airport on New Year’s Day? I’ve just found out it helps with that, too.

Old new beginnings

It’s New Year’s Eve, and I haven’t felt like being as introspective and retrospective as I usually delight in at this time. It’s probably because the call inwards has been more towards less overthinking, and more just being. Which has been really nice! There’s no missed opportunity, either; I remind myself, too, that this is only one, chosen new beginning at a certain point in time, and that these are happening all the time.

The start of a new season, the end of an astrological year, a new monthly cycle; we can choose to time our changes as we wish and with the reverence and reflection we choose.

Happy New Year to you, should you wish to take it.

(Only) Saying, 'Thank You'

With yesterday being Thanksgiving, there have been lots of notes and stories about gratitude circling, including how it’s good for health, etc. All of which is wonderful!

It reminded me of a friend who told me earlier this year, “I’m practicing saying ‘thank you,’” As in, only saying “thank you.” When someone gives a compliment, holds open a door, whatever it may be. To simply say “thank you,” without an apology, without an excuse, without rushing to follow up with context like where something was bought, or negation like how it’s actually so messy, without even quickly returning it with a “you, too.” To just meet and receive what’s given with, “Thank you.” And that’s all.

So, thank you for receiving this after all this time; for reading this.